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Kintsugi and Relationship Building

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Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by filling the cracks with gold. Through this process, the repair and history become more valuable than disguising the breakage. Relationships work much in this same way. We become closer and more bonded through the process of learning to feel compassion, love and heal each other than from pretending to be perfect and not have any problems.  We literally create something as priceless as gold and are practicing the truest art-form (life as art!) when we  invest in each other in this way. We each become more beautiful for the process as we grow not alone, but together.

Always love!

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The Science Behind the Law of Attraction

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Did you know that dedicating just 15 minutes a day to using the Law of Attraction through affirmations or creative visualizations can help you to change your mindset and your life?

While the law of attraction is considered a metaphysical concept, research in psychology, neuroscience, philosophy and evolutionary biology can all be used to add extra dimensions to our understanding of how the Law of Attraction works. For example: Scientists working at the Wellcome Trust Centre for Neuroimaging at the Institute of Neurology in London have discovered that people who visualize a better future are more likely to be able to bring that future into existence. Research in psychology has found that people who consistently tell themselves that they can meet a goal are more likely to secure a positive outcome. The field of neuroscience shows us that thanks to mirror neurons, we tend to reflect behavior that we observe. Changing your own mindset and actions prompts change in the way others behave toward you. Genetic research shows that limiting beliefs are inherited. For example an original fear of something is rooted in a negative response to a stimuli, however that fear (without the presence of the stimuli) is then passed down to the next generation.  

The law of attraction states that what you think about constantly you attract. The good news is that changing your thinking habits and your mindset is relatively easy and you can take the steps to do that in as little as 15 minutes a day.  Imagine how your life will unfold when you change your foundational mindset on  the areas that you struggle with and constantly seem just out of reach. Think about the people that you know who excel in that area and you tell yourself “it just comes to them naturally”. Well you are right, excelling is more effortless and automatic when you prime your mindset for success in that area. Once you can see it in your mind, you will hold it in your hands! Seeing it in your mind is not a deep dark mystery, it’s just a matter of priming your own belief system which you will learn to do in part 1 of  Create a Law of Attraction Mindset and daily re-enforcement, which part two walks you through step by step in the short, daily guided audio that only takes 15 minutes a day. I guarantee you that it will soon become your favorite 15 minutes of the day as you realize the power of your own vision!  

Enroll today in the Create a Law of Attraction Mindset: Daily Guided Audio Program to start your journey toward success.

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Finding Your Center: As Above, So Below, As Within, So Without

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Sometimes you have to look outward to find your center. We are reflections of how we see others and the world around us. The mindset models that guide our thoughts, words and interactions with others  also creates the framework for how we view ourselves. It’s not a straight linear path, as we accept and connect with others we move closer to our own center.

Are you ready to unlock your own alpha brainwaves and dramatically transform your life? Enroll today in Easily Unlock the Power of Alpha Brainwaves today!

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When You Change the Way You look at Things, the Things You Look at Change

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Beauty is a reflection of what you see in others and the world. The world is simply a mirror, what we see in it, we see in our selves. Potential, pain, anger, hope, beauty, horror, the list goes on and on. Every little piece of data and input is filtered and is simply a reflection of what is going on inside us. So how do we change the reflection? By changing how we look at the world. As the founder of quantum physics Max Planck stated: “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”.  Your updated vision of the world then becomes your updated vision of yourself.

Are you ready to take the first steps into true self-love? Take the first steps and enroll in Fostering Self-Love  today

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How Forgiveness Can Change your Own Self-image and Mindset

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The power of forgiveness to enhance alpha brainwaves is incredible and well documented. The importance of fostering self-love to self-esteem, success and happy healthy relationships is also a staple in personal development. However when you draw the connections between the two you begin to see the powerhouse of opportunity that it offers you.

"Holding onto un-forgiveness for another is really locking up your own mind, heart and soul."

 Un-forgiveness is a vague, cumbersome term. Other ways to recognize it in your life are as: judgment, resentment, holding grudges, condemnation and so on. You may be holding onto these feelings for others related to big, dramatic events or even for very small differences of value and opinion. The truth is that it really does not matter how big or small the differences in point of view are. Holding onto un-forgiveness for another is really locking up your own mind, heart and soul. It traps you in a cycle of judgment and condemnation that is also affecting your own self-image and self-love whether you realize it or now.

The interconnectedness of all things.

Quantum Physics

Modern quantum physics demonstrates the complex & dynamic nature of the interconnectedness of all things. Literally everything is vibrating energy. On this level it makes sense that the energy that you create and nurture (thinking you are only directing it toward someone who you deem “wrong”) is also affecting your own energy.  Conversely when you foster positive energy through acceptance, forgiveness and  compassion you are also nurturing that energy in your own beingness.

Neuroscience

When you judge and hold another person in condemnation, you create and re-enforce the neural networks in your own brain on those concepts. Then, when things do happen, your brain has a vast supply of negative neural networks to utilize to access and navigate those situations and more limited supply of networks that support a more positive perspective and range of ways to practically and emotionally navigate the situation.  The brain is highly efficient so it is not just applying these networks selectively to your interactions with others, it also browses these networks in processing and dealing with your own issues which results in your own self-identification.

Let’s see this in action

For example, let’s say you are holding resentment and judgment against someone because they stole $20 when they were visiting your house one day. That seems pretty legit. Most people would agree that this is not acceptable and you could banter with them for hours about what an idiotic, wrong doing person this is.  In doing so, you are of course, creating and projecting negative energy that effects everyone involved as well as re-enforcing your own negative neural networks.

"Forgiveness is acceptance of the human being not approval of an action."

Forgiveness is acceptance of the human being not approval of an action. When you practice forgiveness you accept and move beyond the action which has occurred, enabling you to hold the other person in a place of love. It is not related to punishment (for example legal action that might be taken) and restitution (which may or may not occur). It does not imply approval of an action, words etc. of the person. It is merely acceptance and forgiveness.

Creating a working model and mindset for your own low self-image – whoops!

But how does the 20$ thief relate to self-love? 

You probably have a cut and dry opinion about stealing. Why would someone steal? What conditions and life situations might lead them to the final event of standing in your living room and swiping $20 off your table? Well its not about you. Nothing about this act has anything to do with you. It could be many things. They might have an addiction driving their behavior, they might have a psychological condition that drives this behavior (looking for attention, cry for help, coping mechanism rooted in trauma etc). They might just be in a very bad financial situation and desperate for cash to get by. But one thing is for sure,  there is something driving that action and it’s not good, fun to deal with, or anything any of us would want to have to struggle with. The point I’m trying to make is that when you begin to unravel the path behind the action you start to see what the person has dealt with that brought them to this place. 

 

I’ll take shame & guilt for a thousand Alex! No really I/you will…

We have all these moments in life. Though it may show up wearing a different outfit. Maybe you lied about your abilities to get a job you really needed or wanted. Maybe you flew off the handle and cursed at an innocent checkout clerk when you were really frustrated one day. Maybe you said something to your partner or kids that you wish had never come out of your mouth. There are many things, large and small – even very very small things in your day to day process of making choices and navigating life that you could ultimately feel guilty about.  Wouldn’t it be nice if you could recognize the learning value in those experiences and simply move on the better for it? But Noooooo. You are going to apply this same judgement, condemnation and permanent labeling to yourself that you have become so well practiced at by applying it to others. It is the model you use and re-enforce, creating your own mindset.

 

The subconscious mind- it goes deeper, much deeper- check this out!

The bar that you hold up for others is the same bar that you hold up for yourself. Now you can begin to see how the guilt and shame begins to gain a foothold in your own neural networks and self-image. Its unshakable and inescapable because you have created the whole entire framework in which to house and process it- it literally has no way to get out. So where does it go? Well deep into your subconscious and becomes part of your mindset and self-image. This is who I am. Deep down I am that not so great person who didn’t give the $10 overage of change back to the checkout clerk when I was 16 or the person who let a friend stumble into a bad situation when I was 23 or the person who dropped F-bombs when my kid pushed me into the full bath tub as a joke.

Nope, I am not going to let myself off the hook and free myself to move on because I don’t do that for others- that’s not how it works. I have not created a model for forgiveness and evolution that I can follow and apply to myself as well as others. So what lingers deep down inside (what you hold as a true subconscious belief about yourself) is that despite all of the good, you are still not a good person because you have not been able to forgive yourself and this leads to not loving yourself.  

The link, the link, the link!

When you shift your model/mindset and practice forgiveness to others, you also shift your own framework and mindset for dealing with your own emotions, feelings and beliefs about yourself. The same understanding & compassion you afford to others you then afford to yourself. The same ability that you have to process and release your emotions about others (rather than ruminating or suppressing) you than apply to yourself. Low and behold you begin to discover that as the deep dark self-judgments and condemnations lift away there is a pretty spectacular person in there.

The really good news is that this is not actually an ongoing process of forgiveness and release (for yourself or others). You get to the point where forgiving is no longer needed. You jump from the beginning of the process to the end with internalized understanding and automatic processing. The same automatic processing that drives current patterns of grudge holding, judgement and condemnation.  How cool is that! Like anything else though you just gotta do it. Pebbles on the pile and soon you will be at the top of a mountain.

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Problem Solving Gone Wrong? Free Your Mind with the Bitch Once Rule

Through the inevitable trial and error of searching for a resolution you will learn, evolve and grow. Through acceptance you will clear up space in that beautiful mind of yours for far more prosperous and rewarding thoughts, neural networks and outcomes. In acceptance you also move away from the constant struggle of the thinking brain to the more intuitive and metaphysically empowered processes of the still mind.

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Re-Learning to Do the Right Things for the Right Reasons for Whoever You Are Right Now

Everything in our lives is a choice. We choose words, actions, experiences, and relationships. Every moment of everyday is a series of small and large choices.  There are three potential reasons why we make our choices in life.

1.       Fear of repercussions- Society is chock full of guidelines, rules and associated repercussion at all levels. We are conditioned to adhere blindly to these when making choices at the cost of knowing and trusting our own inner guide for fear of the repercussions.  

2.       Desire for acceptance & love- Many choices are based in a desire for acceptance by others, someone in particular, a group, community, organization or society as a whole. Again at the cost of considering and turning to your inner self for guidance.  

3.       Intuitive knowing and guidance by your inner self- Only you know the right choice for you at any given moment during your constant evolutionary process of life. We all have the natural ability to love and trust ourselves and turn to our inner selves for guidance in life, we are just conditioned not to use it and have become out of practice.

For the most part, we are all conditioned and taught to automatically (subconsciously) make choices based on the first two reasons. Think about how heavily both sides of this coin are ingrained into us in every aspect of life from birth on. We are never taught about the self-love and self-acceptance that allows us the freedom to trust our own inner knowing. It’s just not taught and there are very few role models from which to learn it. In fact the opposite is true. Most of our experiences (especially during childhood when our behavioral patterns are being formed) reinforce the first and second choice making mindsets within us. And so we spend much of our lives giving up our inherent emotional/spiritual power and living in fear of punishment and a fear of not being loved and accepted should we follow our own true inner voice.

What does intuitive knowing and guidance look like?

In its ideal form you love and trust yourself. You look inward for split second guidance to make choices. Through the long evolutionary experience of life you will make choices that resonate positively with your inner self and those that do not. Because you love yourself you are able to access and adjust accordingly based on wherever and whoever you are at that particular moment in your life. Without labeling yourself and suppressing and internalizing fear and shame, you recognize an internally based desire to make a varying choice next time and move freely on to the next moment with this new self-directed insight. The concept of learning lessons from life is a valid but the notion of carrying it around like baggage for the rest of your life is weighing us down. The idea of learning lessons based on others or societies expectations of us at that very moment is dysfunctional. When you know and love yourself and are comfortable trusting your inner voice you are more able to accept that some choices did not serve you well without punishing or judging yourself. You are able to move on without that emotional burden and keep moving in the natural flow of your life.

The right thing is different for everyone, every day.

We are each unique and always evolving. The saying “you never step in the same river twice” is profoundly true. What you find to intuitively be the right choice for who you are at any given time will change. So again, you are not self-labeling. The long series of choices in your life do not become “who you are” they were simply made by whoever you were at the time that you made them. Your self- loving, self-trusting self is moving onward and always in the flow of the now without carrying shame. Since we experience and recognize this within ourselves we also become able to respect the same process going on for others. You might not have made the choice that someone else made but if they have truly made it based on reason #3 (again this is ideal, keep reading and you’ll see where I am going with this) you respect their choice and the importance that plays in their own evolutionary process, still holding them in high regard with love and respect.

I know what you’re going to say…  

But Kristen, what about the heinous and stupid crap that people do to each other every day? How can you keep people from doing that if you don’t threaten them with repercussions or reward them with love and acceptance? I would say that we have cultivated this in individuals with the very system of teaching people to use reasons 1 & 2 to make decisions rather than teaching them the fundamentals of life such as self- love, intuition and knowing and trusting their inner selves. If everyone were fundamentally taught to love and trust themselves, to look inward and trust their own intuitive inner knowing to guide their choices in life we wouldn’t have all of the systemic issues in our society that foster the development of these behavioral patterns in the first place.

Wait! There is one more thing.

I know what else you’re probably thinking. “Great idea Kristen, I can see it, but it’s too late, our society is too much of a mess for this, what good is going to do if I start living and interacting with others based on this concept, society as whole would collapse if we got rid of behavioral motivators 1 & 2.” Well here is the thing (and I’d like to thank someone whom I think is awesome, for putting this reminder on my chalkboard wall) “be the change you wish to see in the world”! Live by example, teach the children, pebbles on the pile.  By having the experience yourself of consciously making decisions based on the third reason/process, you will be forever changed. After a while the process will become subconscious and more automatic and you will find that it changes the way you perceive things.  Others will learn by example which is exactly how we all ended up learning to adopt the decision making behavioral patterns of 1 & 2 in the first place.

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5 Days to Journal Your Way to a New You!

Who are you? What makes you you and do you love everything about who you are? What can you do to fine tune, evolve tweak and change. Are you exactly the person you want to be? Lliving the life you want to live? If not what’s standing in the way between you and that person and what can you do to close that gap? Life is holistic. Many things come together to make up the fabric of your day to day life. Focusing on one element of life to the exclusion of another often backfires. Better understanding the big picture and how each of the elements works in tangent better enables us to pull it all together in the way of our choosing. In the end you are a product of that which you put into yourself. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually.  

 

I want you to keep a journal for 5 days based on these 4 topics. At the end of each day write about and reflect on how each of these elements came together to create your reality for that day. At the end of the 5 days review your journal and look for places that you might fine tune and shift your daily life for the better. We evolve through understanding gained from our own experiences. Taking note, reflecting upon and shifting your own life in this way is hugely empowering!  

1.      You are a reflection of the 5 people you spend the most time with. There is a saying that if you spend enough time in a barbershop that eventually you will get a haircut. It’s only natural that we pick up the attitudes, habits and perspectives of the people we spend the most time with. If there is something you would like to change about yourself, look more closely at the company you keep. Do you want to be more or less like the 5 people with whom you spend the most time? For five days journal each night about the 5 people you spent the most time interacting with on those days and how this interaction effected your overall experiences of the day.

2.      You are what you eat. Think about this? Our bodies are beautiful machines, everything that we put into them becomes part of who we are. It can be easy to conveniently overlook this simple fact when the Cheetos and Frappuccino’s arecalling your name but look a little further down the road and think about the cumulative effects of many years of asking your body to filter and absorb artificial flavors and chemicals and preservatives. Keep a food journal for just five days. Write down the first 5 ingredients of everything you eat for those 5 days. Once you have a good overview of what you are putting into your body on a routine basis, google search the list to see what type of research and nutritional information you can find about the items on your list.  This will give you a preview of your future health potential and some insight into how you might change your habits now to prime your body for health and longevity. 

3.      You are the product of your environmental influences. For five days journal about the actual physical environment in which you spend the most time. Is it uplifting, inspiring, always changing or perhaps stagnant and uncomfortable. Think about the décor, the temperature, the vibe, the safety  and anything that jumps  out at you as you look more closely at your day to day surroundings.

4.      You are what you think about the most. Oh this is a doozy. You may even need to keep notes during the day to update in your journal at the end of the day. What are you thinking about? What is the content of your daydreams, your ruminating, your repeated thoughts? Arethey positive and filled with potential? Are they based on past event or potential future events? Are they based in the present? Is there gratitude or resentment? Keep careful notes about the contents of your head on a daily basis and you will soon have a clear snapshot of the mindset from which your life unfolds.

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Letting Love in: 3 easy statements to bring more love into your life

As Irish poet John O’Donohue shares:
 
“When love awakens in your life, in the night of your heart, it is like the dawn breaking within you. Where before there was anonymity, now there is intimacy; where before there was fear, now there is courage; where before in your life there was awkwardness, now there is a rhythm of grace and gracefulness; where before you used to be jagged, now you are elegant and in rhythm with your self. When love awakens in your life, it is like a rebirth, a new beginning.”

 

 

 

 

Letting love in sounds great but can be easier said than done if this is a new life space for you. It truly is worth the effort though. When it comes to pattern interrupting one of the best habits to break is the one of having walls, obstacles and distractions from true unconditional love. It happens little by little. You forgive, you accept, you get lost in the moment one moment at a time and before you know it love has begun to take hold of and guide your life. The fears and frustrations wrapped up in those lower vibrating emotions begin to slip away and a new reality and life emerges.  Yes! It’s that powerful!

 

Evolution in lifehappens through our own experiences so I offer three simple statements that can help guide you through your own evolutionary experiences to find what meaning and understanding they hold for you in how you live.  Tuck these away in the back of your mind and pull them out daily and then reflect on how using them has changed your life experiences.

 

1.     “No thanks!” When conversations, self talk or life events turn negative simply say “no thanks”. Depending on the person you may be able to say this out loud and open up a dialog about rejecting negativity in life and leaning toward positivity and love. All things and conversations can be accomplished through either path and it is simply a choice as to which path to take.  So should you quietly say “no thanks” in your mind then simply turn your own actions and dialog to a love based positive approach and see how situations and conversation change and evolve. Do this consistently and you will set a new standard for yourself. You will also see that others soon rise (or fall) to whatever personal standard you embody.

2.     “I’m sorry I love you, please forgive me.” This comes in handy when you find yourself engaging in negative thoughts or even self-thoughts. That ruminating about negative potential outcomes that may never even come to pass. That wallowing in and refusing to let go of past hurts, shortcomings, faults or missteps.  We all misstep from time to time, letting it go is the best gift you can give yourself or others as you then create that creation space to begin living and loving in the higher vibrating emotions of love. So when you find yourself stepping into a negative headspace about yourself or others simply say to yourself “I’m sorry, I love you, please forgive me.”  This will indicate to your brain that this thinking stops now and you will soon retrain your brain to bypass the negative ruminating and move on to the more positive creations space emotions.

3.     “insert name here- I love you.” Love begins with self-love! As I stated above, people will rise or fall to whatever expectation you hold. Simply reminding yourself each day (aloud if you can or in your head if you must) that you love yourself enables you to build a strong foundation of self-love from which all other experiences in life spring!

 

Insert these three terms into your daily head-space routine and again, take note and reflect upon how it changes your experiences in life and effects your reality. Soon you will find life shifting and love flowing more freely in your life. Success breeds success so by having your own experiences you will take ownership of the role that love plays in your existence and seek to expand it further and deeper. There are no limits to love and therefor no limits to what is possible in a life lived through love.

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The Importance of Not Accepting the Stories That Others Try to Project Upon You

Always remember that you are the author of your own story- the Captain of your soul!

I talk a lot about vision and the importance of holding a positive vision both for yourself and those around you (what a gift!). I cannot stress how important this is! A vision can be positive or negative though so it’s helpful to beware of how they can seep into your mind and your life.  Every once in a while someone comes along and tries to tell me a story about myself and then I get to choose whether I accept and internalize it, or reject it.  This happened recently and so I’ve reflected on the now objective hilarity of a few other times when I rejected the stories of others in my life. Once you realize you have that choice and exercise your choice it becomes easier and easier to do so. Once you break free from the socialization of others you become more able to see it objectively and better able to discern through observation and intuition, which pieces of input and feedback are coming from a place of love and which ones are coming from the fear and lower vibrating emotions of others. You become more able to know intuitively which things resonate with you and which are just stories that either someone else is trying to get you to buy into or perhaps even that you have been telling yourself.

Someone recently hurled a bunch of really negative statements at me that were the opposite of pretty much everything I know to be true about myself. I know and love myself so if I am to accept this person’s story about me it would mean really changing my own view and opinion of me in a very negative way. I think you know me well enough to know that this is not going to happen. Still, being in shock I shared this with someone with whom I am very close and know extremely well. Their input was the polar opposite. So now I’ve got the input of two people and get to choose which story to accept, it’s just a matter of making that choice and moving on.

When the genesis of the communication is love then we are able to share ideas and input in a way that empowers and uplifts each other.

This can also help us to reflect on our own communication style and emotional genesis of our communications with others as well as the vision that it creates in them. If someone is hurling insults at you, trying to get you to lower your opinion of yourself and what is possible in life then it is coming from their own hurt, anger and fears they are trying to project upon you. When the genesis of the communication is love then we are able to share ideas and input in a way that empowers and uplifts each other.

You can easily see how ridiculous these stories are from a distance but close up they are riddled with emotion and can be a bit more tricky to navigate.

Back to the old stories though because they really illuminate how ridiculous it can be to blindly accept the stories that other people want to tell you about yourself (or you have begun to tell yourself thanks to the constant conditioning of those around you). About 20 years ago I was day dreaming outloud about having my own place and how much I looked forward to that. A family member proceeded to tell me that this would never be possible and that it would just be impossible for me to ever afford or have a place on my own, ever.  This seemed preposterous to me because at that time I already knew people with lower income and fewer skills than I had who in fact had their own places. So I protested and still they adamantly affirmed that this is what they believe to be true. I thought to myself, “well if I believed that to be true I should probably just kill myself right now because apparently I am inherently incapable of self-care and support.”  Story rejected immediately. But imagine what if I had let it seep in- what if I began to believe that story? How might my life have unfolded differently on so many levels? You can easily see how ridiculous these stories are from a distance but close up they are riddled with emotion and can be a bit more tricky to navigate.

Fast forward to a few years ago. I knew a person who actually tried to convince me that literally everyone on the other side of my front door (yes the front door of my own home- imagine that!) was evil and out to hurt me. Well by now I’m all me and so of course I said to them, “no thanks.” He was shocked by my reply and asked what “no thanks” meant. So I explained that I supported his right to believe what he believes and that there was no need to debate it in anyway but that I do not accept this as my belief. Again in the back of my mind thinking “why would I ever leave my house or set out each day to experience and live any type of life if I really and truly believed that to be true.” Another example of a ridiculous story that, had I choose to believe it, would drastically have altered the course of my life in a negative way.

In this case the person believed that story- that was the story they told themselves. I have no idea how it got in their head but I do know them well enough to know that this belief or story has greatly affected their daily life. I don’t know where this story entered their life but I’m willing to bet their whole entire life might have played out differently had they realized they had the choice to reject it at any time and move in a different direction.

Why are the stories so important?

Why are the stories so important? You see these stories create your beliefs and your mindset. Your whole network of neural pathways gets built around these stories. The ability of your subconscious mind to lead you toward the different choices and options in every little nuance of life is directed by these stories, this vision. The stories that we choose to accept literally creates our reality. When you recognize a story coming your way always take a moment to check in with your intuition. Take a moment to observe the emotions and motivations of the person selling the story. Think about how buying into the story will change the way your life unfolds. It goes both ways- some stories are great and create a positive vision. Some are negative and eat away at your self-esteem and ability to prosper. Some things are not stories at all but sincere feedback coming from a place of love. Deep down we all know the difference, it’s just a matter of doing a little pattern interrupting and stepping back to look at these communications a bit more objectively when they are going on.

Like anything else this pattern interrupting will change your habit of being. Checking in with and trusting your intuition will strengthen it. Soon you will find yourself intuitively zigging and zagging through the clutter of emotion based communications from others with greater ease and self-confidence.  Who’s the author of your story anyway? You!

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